On Friday, May 15, 2015, I walked proudly across the stage in Hayman Building at La Salle University, ending one adventure and beginning another. It was a moment of cross over, a sort of transition into my new life. The stage was the passage from my two years of Graduate School + five years of undergrad into my future, an unknown entity filled with uncertainty and yet so much excitement.
The past two years of living in Philly and studying at LaSalle have changed me as a person. When I moved here, I was in a place of sadness. I was still coping with a bad relationship, a bad job, and just anxiety over life. I packed my bags and headed two hours away from my hometown, my family and my friends to a big city with no friends and no family. I quickly learned that being alone and on my own without any attachments was just what I needed to become the person I was working on becoming. I made amazing friends in my roommates and classmates and I went on countless first and second dates; I even dated someone for a few months. I grew intellectually, physically, mentally and emotionally. I realized that being on my own, being unattached, brought me happiness that I never knew I could hold. I began photographing more, I went exploring by myself, I flew to Arizona (twice) all on my own accord. It was invigorating. The people around me saw a change, not a shift in my person, but just a light that was a tiny flame become a fire. My passions grew, my eyes lightened up, my depression subsided and my anxiety weakened. I became strong, independent and more ME than I had ever been.
I posted a lot about relationships, dating, and sadness on this blog; most of my poems were just mere thoughts and my posts were bittersweet. Yes, I was dating and yes I enjoyed the companionship of a significant other, but not too many people were able to fulfill that position of complimenting my life; not completing it. I had already completed my life, by myself. I found that many men that I met, were interesting and nice, but they never fit the life I was making for myself. They wanted different things and being independent and unattached for so long, I didn’t want to give them it. They didn’t fit. Not until recently, did I think I would ever fall for someone who fit so easily and so effortlessly. In March, I went on a date with a guy I had been talking to since February. Fast foreword to today, I am head over heels for him and he, I. He does not complete my life, nor does he want to. He compliments it. He makes my happiness, my dreams and my passions become more alive. That I cannot say has ever happened to me before and I am so unbelievably happy and lucky.
As I embark on the next part of my journey, I can’t help but look back on the friendships I have made here. The girls I studied with, I complained with, I laughed with in school helped me succeed and helped me maintain sanity. The friends I made through instagram have given me a new outlook on life and have helped heighten my creative abilities. The memories we have created live on through photos and stories, but there will be plenty more as we journey forward together.
My family. My support system. If it were not for them, I would not be here today. I cannot tell you how many times I called my mom in tears over stress, over the unknown, over “bad” test scores. I cannot tell you how often my dad told me “you’ve got this” or “I am proud of you.” I moved two hours away, and plan on staying here for the time being, and my family is bittersweet about it. My dad wishes I’d move back home, yet realizes I am my own self and I need to make my own life. I miss them every single day. I miss dinners at our kitchen table and watching t.v. in our living room late at night. They are and always will be my motivation.
It is such a hard transition to grasp that one chapter has come to an end and another is beginning. I am so excited that I was able to accomplish such a great thing, and yet sad because I cannot believe that it is over. When they say that things go by quickly, they aren’t just saying it- it’s so true. One minute you are enrolling into grad school, the next minute you are accepting your diploma and onto a new journey. I still do not know what my future holds, I am still job hunting and it sucks, but I do know that these past 7 years of school and 9 years of my life have been so very memorable, so impacting and so changing that I would not and could not wish any of it to have been different.
I hope that you are proud in whatever you accomplish, that you thank the people who were there supporting you, that you reflect on the things that have changed in your life. Do not regret the past, embrace it! For without your past, you would not be standing where you are today.
I am officially: Courtney Ras, M.S., CF-SLP.
Adventures of a Wayfarer 